“And if memories are all I have left of you, then I will swim deep in those memories for all the years that are left to me.” -Edward Lee

Pets take up a special place in our hearts. We include them in special occasions, like birthdays and even weddings. They play a special role in our families. I have many special memories and moments with our dogs growing up. We played hide and seek throughout the house, wrestled in the living room, they provided comfort when my mom had surgeries, and we explored waterfalls together on family vacations. It was hard not having a dog with me in college, although at times it felt as though I brought Vicky or Gwen (our English Creme Goldens) along. I found their long white hairs on my sweaters months after moving into my dorm. It didn’t bother me, it was a way of feeling like they were near. But what do we do when they are gone forever? How do we cope with a such a loss?

I take a lot of phone calls running this dog breeding business. About one out of eight calls I take are spent listening to a sweet person tell me about their beloved pet that has recently passed. I know on most of those calls, they aren’t ready to adopt a puppy. They are entertaining the idea of bringing home a new pet, but mostly they just want someone to listen. They are hurting. They want to tell me about what made their pet unique and what an impact their departure has had on them. I totally understand where they are coming from, I’ve been there. It hurts and it’s awful. So I simply listen and grieve alongside of them.

Everyone grieves differently. But what I’ve discovered during these heavy phone calls, is that a lot of people wrestle with guilt during this painful process of grieving over a pet. Guilt of replacing their pet, guilt of moving on too soon, grieving for years and yet still wondering if they have grieved long enough, or feeling guilty that they are grieving harder for a pet than they did a relative that has passed.

To those of you whose hearts have been broken by your recent loss, I can only offer advice that I hope brings you comfort. Everyone grieves differently. Everyone’s pet plays a different role in their lives too. I’m just here to tell you that it is okay to take a good break and grieve for the pet that meant so much to you. It’s okay to bring home a new puppy after such a loss and open up your heart to a new friend, because the void is too heavy. It’s okay if your pet left a special mark on your heart, deeper than some people may leave. I do believe God placed pets in our lives for special reasons and that dogs can make an impact. Whatever your response is when grieving your precious animal, simply grieve without guilt. Mourn deeply and take the steps you need to take to heal. Listen to what you need internally and let that help you make your decision. Do you need to take your time and heal slowly, or have you grieved and are now ready to open your heart? Whatever is best for you, don’t let guilt hold you back from grieving fully. Do whatever you feel like you need to do to heal and in your own timeframe. Your story is different than the person next to you. Grief is hard enough, don’t let guilt add to your pain.

I hope that this entry has given you a bit of comfort if you are struggling with loss. My heart feels for you and I hope you do what you need to do for yourself during this difficult time.

XX,